FADE IN:
EXT. CEMETERY - MORNING
Kevin is the only attendee beside the priest in the rain during a funeral.
PRIEST
We are gathered here to say farewell to Terry and to commit him into the hands of God. In the name of the father, and of the Son and of the, of the-
You know what screw this guy, excuse my language lord, but I refuse to let this man get anywhere near the gates of heaven. He owes me multiple, not one, but multiple salamis with grated pickles on top of 1/8 slices of tomatoes soaked in salt served by a Hispanic family-owned food truck with a side of nacho cheese on multigrain bread sandwiches.
and has promised me these sandwiches for the past 58 years. And you know what, who the hell has a funeral in the rain? Fuck you Terry enjoy those sandwiches in hell.
INT. TERRY’S LAWYERS OFFICE - MORNING
Kevin sits in front of his Uncle's lawyers desk
JOHN
Hello Kevin my name is John and I'm the lawyer for your Uncle. I'm sorry for your loss and hope it hasn't been too tough on you. Your Uncle had a will and left you something. Your Uncle's will reads:
ABEL(V.O)
Dear Kevin, I have updated my will 32 times because our family tree continues to grow smaller and smaller until it is non-existent. Sadly if you are reading this you are the last one and I want you to know that I absolutely hate you. My apartment in Tweek World still has 8 months left on the lease. The money that I was going to leave you I spent it on paying 8 months of
that rent and a slot machine in a convenience store. From your Uncle who hates you.
EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX IN TWEEK WORLD - NOON
Kevin walks into the main office building of his Uncle's apartment.
INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX OFFICE BUILDING - NOON
FAKE PROPERTY MANANGER
Hey, what can I do for you today?
KEVIN
Well, my Uncle left me his apartment, so I flew to Tweek World to get the keys.
FAKE PROPERTY MANANGER
That's strange, what's your name?
KEVIN
Kevin
FAKE PROPERTY MANANGER
Kevin, pal I can't just give you your Uncle's apartment keys that's just not how the world works ok?
Screeching bird sounds are heard overhead
FAKE PROPERTY MANANGER
No, wait I was only two days late! Please com'on have some mercy!
The fake Property manager starts to run and make a run for the door. A giant hawk flies down and takes the fake Property Manager.
PROPERTY MANAGER
Hey! I'm the property manager. You must be Kevin, sorry for the loss of your Uncle, son of a bitch owed me a cottontail rabbit with grounded lizard tail, sprinkled on crystallized kale, diced squirrel, sliced rattlesnakes soaked in siracha on toasted rye bread.
Here are the keys and welcome to Tweek World. Excuse me I have to go catch more people late on their rent.
EXT. SIDEWALK IN TWEEK WORLD - AFTERNOON
Kevin is walking on the sidewalk outside his apartment complex. A scent of meat goes by his nose as he is walking. He realizes the meat smell is coming from a manhole that he decides to jump into.
KEVIN WHHAAAAAHHH!
Kevin falls flat on his back onto a car.
EXT. UNDERGROUND IN TWEEKLANTIS - AFTERNOON
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Yo bro what the fuck, my car!
KEVIN
Ugh, I'm sorry I smelled meat, where am I?
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
You are on my car!
Kevin rolls off the car
KEVIN
Do you know where the meat smell is coming from?
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Yeah right through that tube.
KEVIN
Are you sure?
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Yes.
KEVIN
I don't think so.
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
I am sure.
KEVIN
Smells like it's coming from your house.
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Well, it isn't.
KEVIN
Are you sure that you are sure that the meat smell I smell isn't coming from that house, your house?
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Yes, I am sure the smell of meat that you are smelling isn't coming from that house, my house, the house with no meat.
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON'S WIFE
Honey, the pork chops are ready.
Both Kevin and the Angry Male Mole Person pause and look at each other.
KEVIN
Is that your wife?
ANGRY MALE MOLE PERSON
Goddamit. Ok, ok, ok look I'll tell my wife to send a plate over to you if you...umm go through that tube.
KEVIN
Ok sure.
Kevin does what the man says and goes into the tube. The tube sucks Kevin and sends him away.
INT. GOVERNOR MICHAEL’S OFFICE - NOON
Governor Michael sits in his chair behind his desk. Kevin falls from a tube inside the office.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Who are you and how did you get in here?
KEVIN
Well, my name is Kevin and I was walking on the surface, smelled meat, fell through a hole, fell on a guy's car, then I went through a tube, now I'm here.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Ok, that makes sense.
KEVIN
What is this place?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
This place is called Tweeklantis and you may have heard others call us the Mole People. Due to us realizing the surface world wasn't advanced enough for us we went into the depths of TweekWorld to avoid the idiots of the surface and that hawk that has been flying around. Look you seem harmless and not too insane, how about I take you on a tour and show you around?
Sinister music starts playing and Governor Michael starts rubbing his hands together.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
And maybe keep you down here forever to never return to the surface again.
Sinister music stops playing and Governor Michael stops rubbing his hands and looks at Kevin.
KEVIN
What?
Governor Michael stands up from his chair and brushes himself off.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Nothing, com'on let's go on that tour.
EXT. SIDEWALK IN TWEEKLANTIS
Kevin and Governor Michael walking on the sidewalk.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Kevin, I want you to meet the citizens of Tweeklantis.
Kevin and Governor Michael walk towards a house. The Governor knocks on the door. A woman appears from the door.
LYNDA
Hey Governor Michael, who is this you have with you?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
This is Kevin, he is from the surface
Governor Michael winks at Lynda. Lynda winks back. Kevin looks at both of them stare at each other.
KEVIN
Are you guys okay?
LYNDA
Tehehe. Kids, kids, come out and see the surface person.
Footsteps of kids running towards the door can be heard
KID #1
I found the surface person he's here, he's here.
KID #2
Surface person, wow cool.
KID #1
What does natural gas smell like?
LYNDA
Kids, Kids, his name is Kevin.
Lynda winks at the kids. The kids' wink at the governor and the governor stares at kid #1. Kid #2 stares at Lynda.
KEVIN
Hey, guys you okay?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Alright Kevin I have work to do, but I'll be leaving you with Lynda and she'll continue the tour of Tweeklantis. I'll see you around Kevin.
Governor Michael walks away.
Montage music starts to play, Kevin has several encounters with Tweeklantis residents.
INT. MOLE PERSON HOUSE - DAY
Kevin has tea. Then he joins a birthday party. After the birthday party joins a sleepover.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
Kevin joins a block party
EXT. BURNING BUILDING - DAY
Kevin saves a woman from a burning building.
EXT. IN FRONT OF GOVERNOR’S OFFICE - DAY
Kevin receives the key to the city. Kevin has his own giant floating balloon self.
EXT/INT. FROM THE ROAD TO THE INSIDE OF THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE
Kevin walks into the Governor office carrying a Kevin balloon and a soda
KEVIN
Hey Michael.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Kevin, how is everything? You enjoying the people, the food, the parades.
Governor Michael looks down and starts rubbing his hands together. Sinister music begins.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Because you won't be enjoying it for long when-
KEVIN
What! Governor Michael do you have Tourettes.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
No!
KEVIN
Are you sure?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
No! Okay.
KEVIN
Kevin and Governor Michael stare at each other.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
What!
KEVIN
I was waiting for your Tourette to kick in.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Kevin, why are you in my office?
KEVIN
I wanted to know when I could go back to Tweek World.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
But don't you like it here?
KEVIN
Yeah, but-
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Look, look, I'll get you a plane to the surface in the morning, don't worry.
Sinister music starts. Governor Michael looks away from Kevin, puts his hands together, and starts to rub.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
You should definitely worry because you'll never leave this place and you'll be -
KEVIN
I knew it!
Sinister music stops. Governor Michael instantly looked back at Kevin and stopped rubbing his hands.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Knew what?
KEVIN
I knew you had Tourettes.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Kevin, I swear I-
Sinister music begins. Governor Michael rubs his hands together and looks away from Kevin.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Will keep you down here in Tweeklantis forever.
Sinister music stops. Governor stops rubbing his hands and looks at Kevin. Kevin and Governor Michael stare at each other.
KEVIN
Toouuurr-
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Alright, I have Tourettes, now get the hell out of my office Kevin, I'm getting a headache.
Kevin leaves the room and Governor Michael picks up a portrait of Terry.
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Look at you. You fat, fat, dead piece of crap. If I can't get my Ham and tartar sauce soaked in orange juice dipped in sewage sprinkled with lemon pepper wrapped in soggy chicken skin on a buttered pumpernickel sandwich. I'll take your own flesh and blood.
INT. A FEMALE MOLE PERSON’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Kevin lies down on a bed while receiving a massage from a female mole person.
KEVIN
What do you think I should do? It's been a week and Governor Michael still hasn't gotten me that plane ticket.
FEMALE MOLE PERSON
It's going to be okay he probably forgot.
KEVIN
You're probably right. Do you think Tourettes can affect your memory?
The female mole person stops the massage and stares at Kevin.
FEMALE MOLE PERSON
Kevin just be patient and in the meantime, just live life.
KEVIN
Live Life?
Music starts and the montage begins
INT. INSIDE A BUILDING - DAY
Kevins meets a female person for the first time in this building.
INT. CHAPEL - DAY
Kevin marries a female mole person.
EXT. EMPTY GREEN FIELD WITH A SOLD SIGN IN MIDDLE - DAY
Kevin buys land with a female mole person.
EXT. GIANT FIELD - DAY
Kevin prepares to build his own house.
INT. KEVIN’S HOUSE - DAY
Kevin takes care of his infants
INT/EXT. A SEQUENCE OF KEVIN WATCHING HIS KIDS GROW UP - DAY
The montage ends and the music stops. INT. DEBATE HALL STAGE
Kevin and Governor Michael; are on stage wearing suits preparing to debate.
MODERATOR
Ok, the next question is for you Kevin. What do you plan to do to help improve the quality of life for the citizens of Tweeklantis
Kevin clears his throat while the crowd cheers for him.
KEVIN
Fellow citizens of Tweeklantis, the quality of life here is great, but with me in office as your president, life in Tweeklantis could be absolutely amazing. I promise to give every single last citizen the best of hygiene products. Lessons on how to take care of your body and other hygiene-related skills.
INT. FROM THE STAGE TO THE RESTROOMS
The crowd stops cheering and starts booing. Kevin walks behind the stage and goes to the restroom to take a crap. Michael walks in after Kevin
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, good hygiene, really? We live underground, we don't care about good hyg-
Kevin flushes the toilet. Kevin steps out of the stall and goes to the sink to wash his hands.
KEVIN
Do you have soap?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
No, Kevin, you don't get it, do you? I-
KEVIN
Oh, wait I'll just spray some cologne on my hands. I got it from Amazon in less than 3 days, impressive, right?
Kevin sprays the bottle of cologne on his hands.
KEVIN
How's Tourettes treating you?
GOVERNOR MICHAEL
AAAGGGHHH!
INT. FROM THE RESTROOM TO THE STAGE
Governor Michael starts to gag. He grabs his neck and begins to bloat and pop. Blood covers the bathroom and Kevin, Kevin walks back on stage. People start to boo.
KEVIN
Attention Attention!
The crowd stops booing.
KEVIN
The governor has bloated and exploded in the men's restroom.
The crowd starts to bloat.
KEVIN
Umm is everyone-
All the citizens in Tweeklantis pop.
Kevin sits on a swing. The Property Manager flies in and sits next to him.
PROPERTY MANAGER
So how was your first day in Tweek World?
KEVIN
Well, it was-
CUT TO: BLACK